Head Giddiness and Heart Palpitation

What mentioned in the title I guess is called love.

A feeling that I always dream of experiencing in vain.

Giddiness and palpitation never strike me hand in hand. I mean properly speaking, I am groggy like hell right now but the thing is my heart remains sober while my head is well inebriated, not the other way round when people are madly in love.

I had some alcohol earlier today to drive away my numbness but only to find a lousy mood simply wouldn't dissolve no matter how strong the solvent is.

And I'm so sorry, dear friends, for the unannounced breach of my former promises, like talking via skype at an appointed time or hanging out and cooking together with someone. Not quite myself recently...However, please don't take it the wrong way...Just blame it on my unstable mental status and have mercy.

Vielen Dank.

I'll be away for a couple of days and hopefully back soon with a changed mood.

You guys take care in the post-Christmas era. And never forget I miss you all the time.


yours forever,

Sarah

Things That I Do Know

Sometimes Sarah is a total jerk and she doesn't even know her brain from her esophagus.

Too much sesame cream makes one's body inflate(try explode?).

People you know from Skype could be incredibly cool or crappy.

You'll die before your foes fall in love with you(vendetta or venom never vanish easily).

Self-pity sucks. When there's no turning around, face the music!

Time and women wait for no men.

Compliments are some kind of perfume to smell but not to drink.

What really counts is "a matter of tact" instead of "a matter of fact".

The moment you hold yourself to be brilliant is probably the moment you are deemed to be stupid.

Say something wise or say nothing at all.

Never try to outsmart your audience.

Don't be afraid of changes. You keep changing anyway.

He who says it's ok if you leave him may be the one who loves you the most.

Nothing beats the feeling when there's something to look forward to.

Once you've got a loving family, life is promising, no matter what.

Just Because It Is Doesn't Mean It Should Be

Some people never get why we need reasons to justify ourselves. They maintain that the causes do not matter since the world only focus its eyes on the results, so we may as well keep our mouths shut and clam up.

But really? Is that the way how things work? To be honest, I do hate explanations, especially when I have done something wrong and got unspeakable embarrassment burning inside. Nevertheless, reasons are much different from lame excuses or pointless cop-outs that one concocts to pin guilt on others. They are required if we want to straighten the messed-up situations out and compensate for those who we care about but somehow hurt.

I have a pal who had always argued he needed no reasons from me but later it proved he was only talking the talk. Whenever I was busy and couldn't make time to keep him posted, he'd be sulky and threatened an end of our friendship. I finally figured it out that I'd better give him an entire laundry list of the reasons for my IRRESPONSIBLE absence before he turned his back on me forever. And I succeeded, after the nerve-breaking effort I payed in explaining. I kept my mouth running for a full hour until he was altogether convinced and decided to grant me my immunity.

Ay! How come someone never practises what he preaches！

Maybe the REASON is "well-put explanations" are the safety net we weave to protect ourselves and prevent our beloved ones from poorly-informed misunderstanding. Although it's certainly no use crying over spilt milk but we still have every right to be told how the bowl got upset. In most cases, people need to understand what's going on before they come to terms with it.

No one would willingly accept something ugly unless there is a reason. Simply human beings' instinct.

It reminds me of some logic fallacy that concerns the misuse of facts——Just because it is doesn't mean it should be. So we have to make ourselves conscious of what makes the bad things happen and then come up with a solution to avoid it.

Next time you make me mad, don't panic, just stay patient and explain. You have my words that I, as long as the reason stands, will not throw a fit but understand.

Yes, I can't live without mood-repairing explanations and admit it or not, you guys need them too...

About Dreams

Ever since I started using the electric blanket, my nights have been haunted by multihued dreams, so much so that I sometimes can hardly tell whether I'm still fast asleep or wide awake.

CONFUSED.

Funny that nobody else is able to visualize my dreams with all his imagination. So I could carefreely nestle in my cosy niche built on the sand of Utopia. What a pleasure!

However, many is the dream left undeciphered——they are even too thorny a problem for me.

Is there any way to untangle the knotted string? You tell me?

It's said in the book of I Ching, that what occurs in one's dreams has something to do with what's on his or her mind during the day, to wit, nothing comes from nothing. Those colorful mental movies are actually a reflection of one's subconscious psychological activity. Pretty occult, isn't it?

Aaron told me the other day that he dreamed of proposing to me."It's just strange that my dreams are usually nothing remotely nice..." he said, and I quote. I was practically moved(stupid, sentimental, girly) for that was the first time a man had ever popped the question to me, even if it didn't happen virtually(I'm good at picturing stories or maybe I was actually there in his dream via some magic called bilocation?). At least it reveals he has a feeling about me, more or less, doesn't it?

Everytime I have an nightmare, I'd do whatever I can to drive it out of my mind, whereas beautiful dreams always make me relunctant to wake up...Lingering in a fictitious world, as long as it's marvelous, also proves yummy enough to make one laugh.

Adorable dreams keep tickling me from time to time. How I wish some of them could come true one day! Please please be quick, cause I don't want the regret Samuel Johnson had centuries ago:"... had it been early, had been kind; but it has been delayed till I am indifferent and cannot enjoy it; till i am solitary and cannot impart it; till I am known and do not want it."

The end.

YOU THINK???

I had only pushed the snooze button for 3 times before finally getting up. When I arrived at the classroom it was already half past eight or so and the teacher was right caught up in some of his "preacher's high". He frowned at me and I did sense that even though my head gracefully drooped——his eyes were burning a hole in my ramshackle courage. My luck was obviously draining cause there was no vacancy in the back rows. I finally seated myself in the front and secretly gasped like a horse in shame(god, where are all those teacher-hugging kids?)...

"Sarah, told ya not to fight the teachers!" That is the voice of my best buddy Beck, and now I though relunctant, have to admit she hit the nail right on the head. But I think of myself as a compulsive debater, who is forever bloody eager to trace the lecturers' careless slips or glaring mistakes and even more eager to point'em out, in a rather "blatant" way. By rough estimate, those who were once pissed at me are enough to double the population of Tibet. Save me, lord!

I recently feel myself drifting further away from atheism, one unforgivable sin that could make Monsieur Darwin turn in his grave. My apologies sir! But how do you explain those mysteries which are beyond all mankind's knowledge? Awaiting your replies at alphaprincess@163.com! Please enlighten on me!

My very funny teacher LY today said," I've never heard of that. You sure it's right?", which I reckon could be safely translated into" You think? YOU LITTLE RASCAL! If I don't know that, it must be wrong!" See, the criterion is now crystal clear: either you listen to his words and perch or go against the grain and lose. Tough choice for a stubborn ass huh!

Anyway, being obedient is not a matter of life and death. So I guess I have the potential to be trained tame and just the way they want. Kudos for myself! But shame on...(whom)?

RIGHT IS RIGHT AND WRONG IS WRONG or it should be RIGHT IS ALSO WRONG AND WRONG IS ALSO RIGHT?

Off my mind...was simply blabbering...Hush! Dare you rat on me!

Accidentally I found both my middle fingers pointing somewhere... Was that a sign? Who is he/she wagging the white flag?

Happy the Shortest Day of the Year!

Today is called the Winter Solstice or the Midwinter Festival. For that matter, I guess the sun must be extremely shy at this special time of year and to prove that, there's usually barely any daylight.

I woke up at almost 9am and felt somewhat nauseous because of the food staying undigested in my stomach...I binged a lot last night, mostly chocolates and Snicker candies...The only thing I knew was my laptop was running and playing an old movie called" To Kill A Mockingbird" and meanwhile I crammed all those food into my mouth until it's chock-full. God knows what happened to me! Pre-exam bulemia?? IT'S DAMN STUPID!

SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S GOING ON? I wanna stay pretty for god's sake I really do. But this vicious gluttony is getting me nowhere, and worse still, I fear it may become habitual if I let things ride.

Last year today I hang out merrily with one of my best friends. We dined at a little fancy restaurant and ordered some mouth-watering dishes. It was so much fun! Back then, I was less mature and more gay(nothing homo), kind of devil-may-care and foot-loose(phew... nearly forget I'm still unmarried...).

What's wrong with me? Why do I keep troubling trouble BEFORE it ever troubles me? A GENUINUE LUNKHEAD, out and out! But there simply seems to be no reason for me to be glum　—　the man who I loaned 50 dollars finally gave it back, with a HUGE banana as my interest(think about the value depreciation, lucky me!) and some boy I took a shine to at first sight leered at me( or was I daydreaming?). AND AND, Christmas is drawing incredibly close and everyone is immersed in the jovial holiday spirit! Good season!

However, I still am not happy, and nobody knows why. My lastest and scariest discovery says Sarah's head is actually hollow. You gotta look at me in the eyes and I swear there's gonna be tears building up when the stare lasts long enough— Almost anyone can make me feel inferior and daunt me with their firm look. I'm drowning, Help!!!

My beloved Santa clause, this little girl here really wants a kiss from a boy that she likes. And besides, lovely marks for the final term! I'm not greedy, am I?

Please...... Omnipotent Father Christmas! MY STOCKINGS ARE EMPTY AND READY!

please tell me," Alrighty!"


WE LOVE YOU AND MAY THE LOVE GET ME OUT OF MY DUMPS. Amen.

Oh and Happy Winter Solstice! Eat some dumplings!

System Reviving

Bah...I hate all kinds of viruses! Get off my back!

Spent 5 hours last night battling with the lousy Windows system. TO HELL WITH THOSE NASTY AND CHEEKY HACKERS!

Now guarding it with Mcafee, so far so good( only back into use for 10 hours or so, still too early to be optimistic).

Why I Remain a Low Profile

"Hey sis , you were supposed to perform onstage last night. How come I didn't see you?"　Good question, honey, good question.

Well, you got me. I can't deny when I saw people swirling, cavorting, singing and dancing under the spotlight, my heart also inched for a sparkling premiere. So back to the question, why didn't I go for it? If there's something my 21 years of life has taught me,it should be the courage to give up in order to gain. I've already spent too much time smelling the coffee and to be honest, some urgent clarion call of the upcoming final term has stirred up a helpless tension on my nerves. I fear somewhere in my mind there is this flash point, waiting for certain incidences to set it off.

You may wonder: What's the fuss? Let's say, nothing really matters if you stop caring. But unfortunately I was born with ambitions, which steadily ungrade themselves as my personal capability develops. Hence I shall never slow down my steps.

It's always the empty vessels that make the biggest noise.

Don't take me wrong. I mean no offence to those who went out of their way to do the rehearsal tirelessly. They were adamant in claiming the benefit generated from involvement in the repertoire. To be honest, this festival was meant to be lots of fun and for sure simply being a part of it is reward enough. But is the cake really worth the candle? My doubt remains. I could vividly recall the days when most actors and actresses were busy preparing for the grand finale. They trade their time for sweat and never ceased to memorize their lines( required in every drama play and I was "honorably" asked to write some of the script ). Girls sacrificed their precious beauty sleep and burnt the night oil; boys put football in cold storage and scratched their heads over awkward pronunciations. I've been wondering, what's in it for them? Any extra bonus?

Maybe I'm the one who's mistaken and maybe I'm to shallow to see why the show could receive so much hype and fanfare. Well, I guess I'm just sleepy...

Time betrayed me and wasn't on my side. Therefore, I had to follow my tight schedule and "play shy". Someone told me the better diction should be" hide my light under the bushel", but whatever, as long as my idea is successfully conveyed. Guess that should be no sweat, isn't it?

Yawning...I'm off to the land of Nod now...Fatigue finally did me in...

Busy catching my 40 winks already... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

On my need of a truant officer

"Wow, look who is here in class today!" I've had enough of that comment, people! To be honest, I'm the one who feel extremely embarrassed everytime you guys toss me words like that. Insensitive as I am, I could still tell it's already beyond facetious banter, kind of ill-disposed.

No big. I hear you say? Well, come on! Certainly it's not you who have to stand the shower of curious eyes staring— Each time there are tons of butterflies in my stomach and I have to look away immediately to avoid a sudden impulse to puke.

If you happen to know me, you may not believe all the abovesaid is true. However, it's as sure as eggs is eggs( Ever heard of Doctor Jekyll and Mr Hyde? ). I cannot justify myself to any one who holds a reasonable doubt over my school results: "Check her out! I bet she always cheats in exams." "How come she comes first everytime?" " I heard she had a higher IQ and a prodigiously retentive(tenacious) memory." Rumours spread around on shank's pony. The first time I was told to behave myself and toe the lines, I was like: Sorry, what is it???

There's no smoke without fire. Well, I admit it. Part of the issue is I find myself coercively dragging my feet when clock is ticking for classes. It's like some magnetic power is pulling me away. I'm fully aware procrastination is undoubtedly a terrible habit but the inertia of ease won't yield to my struggle. Born in a family where my mom is a teacher herself, I definitely was taught to have enough respect as an innate gift towards teachers . Although I may never be bracketed with those "obedient and tame" children, a certain amount of personal grip is not hard to be found in me.

But unfortunately, things have changed since I came to college— too many temptations dazzling my eyes, too much spare time left to my own governing. Hence, ineffective self-management popped out as a severe problem, which is looming and threatening. I used to gasp at nights for answers that could tide me over and hold me back from the morass. Darkness calmed me down, for it's far less distractive, in the harbor of which I could finally let my messy mind straighten itself out and my soul swim in a retrospective mood.

Two years ago, I entered this university as an A1 student with the highest mark in English. Enjoying some sort of head start, I took all the exams as no-brainers and easily blew my teachers away. Nevertheless, this semester's German course has presented itself as the first lion in the way. I learned a hard lesson from last mid-term test that IF I SNOOZE , I LOSE. Talents are merely propellants of a person's life, which suggests if we stop working and begin to fool around, the end of our academic journey will be transformed from a fiesta to a fiasco.

As a tough girl, I am supposed to fight the inner battle real hard. I hate myself being slack and random. But it seems the last-minute pressure always acts as a magical stimulus, with the help of which I'm able to get myself together, think clearly and march on. Over time, I've become even lazier and less organized.

"Keep up with the other kids and don't straggle!" This is probably the most famous catch phrase used daily by primary school teachers. And it did work wonders on me when I was small. Sadly, since my age doesn't approve me of any privilege of getting away with willful activity any more, I have to fall in line and avoid making a spectacle of myself. But deep down, my heart is still yearning for someone to watch over me ( a pure psycho, am i not?)!!

Thanks if any of you feel an urge to tell me that" Every man has his pet peeve." ...Seriously I know better... Enough if enough. I have got to step out of my comfort zone and face the music already. No more skip of classes from tomorrow on and I here promise to be the truant officer to keep myself under surveillance.

Time to get my butt in gear and chop chop! Sarah versus Final exams, the game is on!

what's the make of MEN?

Men are always unbelievable. I'm done playing the guessing game.

Now you are jealous(out of nothing) and then you are cold(still without reasons), what am I supposed to do?

Let me tell you, A, I do have a heart. When exactly are you going to understand that?

I throw in the towel. J is exhausted so she has to give up.

It's over, for good.

Good chance you won't care a damn anyway.

If men are kind of product, what will the brand name be? Weird, fickle, skittish and stupidly nonchalant...Can anyone tell me what's the make of them?

What I want is so incredibly simple——to stay with you and be happy. Why does that seem hard to you? I even convinced my parents to warm to you and to invite you over for this coming winter break. For god's sake, A, I never laid my eyes on other "male counterparts". I was simply busy and held up by the hectic campus schedule. Why on earth are you so constantly hypersuspicious and hypersensitive?

However, don't wait for me to beg and don't expect me to shed a single drop of tear. Since you made the choice so I'd better follow suit.

Like you said, no one is silly. Yep, no one.

We probably did love each other, but the sad truth is we loved our respective selves more.

So be it. Let go.

Adieu...